Granted, most of my writing was about Sailor Moon and stuff of that sort, but hey, I was young!
Now that I'm older (kinda....!), I'd like to give a whack at writing again. I've been thinking a lot about stories I liked to read when I was younger. I recall one author that really stood out to me, Roald Dahl. He was the author of such gems as The BFG
, James and the Giant Peach
, and a few
others
you may
remember
.Anyway, just thinking about those books I read back when I was younger made me (perhaps foolishly) begin to believe I'd do at least okay at writing something.
One nearly-all-nighter later, I've come up with an idea. And I'd like for you to read it and comment below with your suggestions. I will post what I have after the break.
Chapter 1
The Chain Link Fence
Clutching her steel blue jacket close to her chest, Jackie stepped closer to the chain link fence in front of her. Her fingers intertwined in the links and she pressed her forehead against the fence lovingly. A sigh escaped her lips.
Jackie had never been on the other side of the chain link fence, but she had always dreamed of it. The other side had always looked so beautiful; the grass was thick and green, the trees were healthy and alive, and there were even animals wandering about the area across the fence.
She turned her head slightly, allowing herself a cursory glance in the direction she had come from. Dusty, almost grey dirt covered everything behind her. Concrete covered other surfaces, and all of the buildings behind her were made of the same material. Flowers in muted colors of three sorts dotted the walls, in some attempt to bring life to the otherwise desolate place.
Others had tried to scale the fence before – and failed. Atop every single inch of the fence sat fierce-looking barbed wire, jutting in every which direction like the jagged needles of a cactus. Any who tried to cross the fence quickly learned of their mistake. Every day in the newspaper and on the television, there were stories of other dreamers getting badly injured while trying to cross over the fence.
Jackie put it all out of her mind. She was only 11, but she was smart enough to know not to attempt such a foolish thing. Sighing again, she pulled her chin-length brown hair behind her ear and slowly turned back towards the bleak place she knew as home.
As she entered the back entrance of her house, a pair of tired silver eyes looked up at the girl from the kitchen. The eyes were those of her mother, who seemed to be preparing supper. Her gnarled hands mashed ground meat and bread crumbs together while loud cracks and pops escaped from her knuckles.
“Ma... What is for supper?” Jackie asked while she hung up her jacket on the wall.
“Meatloaf, Jacquline,” her mother replied in a rough voice that sounded similar to that of a beast’s grunt.
“But Ma... We had meatloaf last night, and the night before...” Jackie whined, situating herself on a stool near the kitchen counter. Ma kneaded the meat a little longer, then slammed it down on the surface with both hands.
“Meatloaf is good for you, Jacquline. We have it so often because it is full of good vitamins and makes us healthy and happy.”
Jackie held back a sneer as she watched the ground beef ooze between Ma’s knuckles. She knew better than to continue the argument. When Ma’s bones stopped cracking, it was time to move on else you’d risk a whacking.
After what seemed an eternity, the bones started crackling once more.
“Ma,” Jackie said.
“Yes, Jacquline?” Ma replied.
“Ma, why do we live here?”
Ma gave Jackie a quick look of exhaustion, her tangled brown hair swinging before her pale, round face. She sniffed once, then moved the meat into the pan on the oven.
“We’ve gone over this before, Jackie,” she finally said, “Your father and I like it here, and that’s that.”
“But what about me?” Jackie asked quickly, her freckled face showing a frown. Ma looked into Jackie’s grey eyes sternly, then shook her head.
“You’ve been looking out at the fence again, haven’t you?” Ma asked. Jackie bit her lip and nodded slowly.
“Listen,” Ma sighed again, “You must stop looking out there. It’s filling your head with nonsense. We live here, Jacquline Jones, not out in that... that wild place. It’s unsafe, it’s filthy, and if I hear one more word of the fence come from your lips, I’ll swat you.”
Jackie could say nothing more. Ma was right. Just looking through the fence was making her forget her manners.
Her eyes drifted to the window. The grassy land across the fence was perfectly outlined by the metal frame holding the glass. If it were a painting, it would have been the most colorful one Jackie had ever seen.
But it wasn’t a painting. It was just glass, surrounded by cold metal. Even the beautiful terrain ahead was cut off by metal. That fence.
That chain link fence.
So, how was it? What age bracket do you think it would most likely fit, and are the words too big/small for that age? Was it too long or short for that age bracket?
Let me know if stuff doesn't make sense, or if I fudged up spelling (MS Word kept yelling at me because I didn't spell color as 'colour,' so excuse the fancy British/Australian/Anything but American spelling of certain words). Did it give you any feeling about the area the girl lives in, or should I pump up the description more?
Thanks in advance for any comments that can be spared... and keep in mind, Anonymous comments ARE permitted, so feel free to drop a line down undahhhh.
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